Aggressive or Assertive?

Most of you know that I work in a highly technical male-dominated field.  I am usually aware of the small number of women in my organizations and the smaller number of women in leadership roles.  Women in my organization stand out by the mere fact that there are so few of us. So I always perk my ears up when I hear a woman being labeled as aggressive.  In many situations, it appears to me that women are being assertive, but are being labeled as aggressive. The distinction between the two is determined by each individual observing the situation. Two different people in a room can observe the same situation differently.

How are you perceived?

It is pretty easy to discern when someone is being openly aggressive. However, the line between being Aggressive and being Assertive can sometimes be difficult to determine. After a recent meeting, another female officer and I were trying to determine if a third female in the room was displaying assertive or aggressive behaviors.  I concluded that she was being aggressive because 1) she was leaning forward with direct hand gestures as she talked; 2) she was jumping in the conversation and speaking on top of the presenter; and 3) she would not stop making her point. As you read my examples, you may be saying to yourself that each of the above reasons could also be used to describe an assertive person. This is why you have to observe each situation to make an assessment about aggression vs assertion. 

How are you perceived?

Women need to be aware of how our behavior is perceived by coworkers.  Once a perception or label is created, it can be challenging to change the perception.

Men and women need to not be quick to label and instead seek understanding of the person.

How are you perceived?

 Some suggestions to be assertive and not aggressive are:

1- Ask Questions— You can get to your point without coming across aggressive

2- Listen First — Instead of fighting to get your point across, listen to what others are saying and use their words to express your own point

3- Don’t Always Disagree — Try to find connections and build rapport. Then use the trust to build support for your position.